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20 Funny under quotes

  • I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like someone took ‘eating your fruits and veggies’ a little too literally 🍎🤦‍♂️ Just making sure to get your daily dose of fiber… and adhesive! 🙊😂”

  • I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs beauty sleep when you can have designer eye bags? 💁‍♀️✨ Going for that high fashion insomnia look! 😂 #VersaceGoals”

  • No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

    Commentary:
    “Sorry social media influencers, I trust my decisions to be more vine than online 🍷😄 #CheersToThat”

  • I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

    Commentary:
    Looks like the spider unknowingly signed up for a tiny adventure in the “under the bed wilderness” 🕷️🏞️. At least it won’t be lacking in excitement! Just call your kid’s room a natural habitat and you’ve got yourself a mini ecosystem right there 😂.

  • “You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

    Commentary:
    “Oh yes, blame it on the sky, the ultimate culprit! ☁️ Maybe we should all invest in some sky-high umbrellas to shield ourselves from these ‘under the weather’ shenanigans. 🌧️ #ThanksALotSky”

  • I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs logic when you have sass? 💁‍♀️✨ Remember, I make as much sense as a unicorn riding a skateboard. 🦄🛹”

  • Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

    Commentary:
    “Santa baby, forget the fancy gifts, just give me some mental stability this year! 🎅🧠 Oh, what a merry and mentally sound Christmas it would be! 🎄😄 #Priorities”

  • I can’t work under these festive conditions.

    Commentary:
    Looks like someone’s workday is feeling a little too much like a party 🎉🤹‍♂️! How can you be productive when there’s confetti flying and disco balls spinning? Time to put those party hats away and get down to business! 💼🎈

  • When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

    Commentary:
    “Talk about eating your words! This critic must have taken ‘food for thought’ to a whole new level with their nom nom nom de plume. 🍔📝 #PunnyPenName”

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