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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1840 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,002

Funny Quotes Topics

14,798

Funny Quotes Images

12,002

1 minute ago

3,456

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Making waves on Instagram:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Making waves on Facebook:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

Reported on Telegram:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Going viral on Facebook:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Reported on Twitch:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Home » Funny Wake Quotes » Page 9

87 Funny wake quotes

More funny wake quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a little Sherlock Holmes in the making! 🕵️‍♂️🕸️ Dust, the mysterious foe lurking in the shadows, always questioning our cleanliness standards and making us question our very existence! 😆 Looks like it's time for some investigative cleaning, dear parent detective! 🔍💨
6 months ago
Share →: “Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Commentary:
"Finally hitting the snooze button for eternity 💤⏰ Who says you can't sleep in peace? 🪦😴 #RestInEternalSnooze"
6 months ago
Share →: Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the early bird catches the laughter! 🐦🍻 Who needs caffeine when you've got a mug full of humor by 9 am? 😆 Cheers to the real MVPs of morning mischief! 🥳☕️"
6 months ago
Share →: Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Commentary:
"Who needs a fancy alarm clock when you have a scalding cup of coffee ready to jolt you awake! ☕️😳 Nothing quite gets the heart racing like the sensation of liquid fire on your lap… definitely a wake-up call you won't forget in a hurry! 😂"
6 months ago
Share →: My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Commentary:
"Ah, the modern-day romance with our phones 😂📱! It's always there for us in moments of need, be it a late-night scroll or an early-morning alarm clock. Who needs candlelit dinners when you have screen time as the ultimate bae? 🌙⏰ #RelationshipGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Commentary:
"Ah, the brain, always at peak performance when it comes to navigating the treacherous journey from bed to office chair! 🧠💼 It's like a reliable engine that only runs on coffee and deadlines. ☕️⏰ Who needs a morning workout when you have the mental gymnastics of work ahead of you?"
6 months ago
Share →: Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone missed the 'teamwork makes the dream work' memo! 😂 Hopefully, your wife appreciates the unexpected bedroom acrobatics! 🤸‍♂️💤"

For even more funny wake quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny wake quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1840 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,002

Funny Quotes Topics

14,798

Funny Quotes Images

12,002

1 minute ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Trending via Discord:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Seen just now on X:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Just shared via X:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Just landed via Messenger:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Spotted on Snapchat:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

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