Funny quotes wish

105 Funny wish quotes

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

3 days ago

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

2 weeks ago

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

3 weeks ago

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

1 month ago

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

1 month ago

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

1 month ago

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

1 month ago

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

1 month ago

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

1 month ago

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

1 month ago

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

1 month ago

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

1 month ago

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

1 month ago

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

1 month ago

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

1 month ago

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

2 months ago

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

2 months ago

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

2 months ago

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

2 months ago

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

2 months ago

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

3 months ago

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

3 months ago

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

3 months ago

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

3 months ago

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

3 months ago

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

3 months ago

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

3 months ago

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

3 months ago

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

3 months ago

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

3 months ago