Funny quotes wish

103 Funny wish quotes

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

Funny Quotes Mar 30, 2025

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Funny Quotes Mar 20, 2025

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Funny Quotes Mar 14, 2025

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Funny Quotes Mar 3, 2025

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Funny Quotes Feb 17, 2025

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Funny Quotes Feb 16, 2025

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025