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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Breaking via Slack:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Spotted on Telegram:

I am single, please disturb me!

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Just shared via Telegram:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Trending via Reddit:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Breaking via Facebook:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Breaking via TikTok:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Reported on LinkedIn:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

Just landed via Messenger:

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

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