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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Just landed via Slack:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Just landed via Slack:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Trending via Messenger:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Just landed via Slack:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Just shared via Facebook:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

Witty quote about someone’s high volume, playful and humorous text about loudness.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"He's not just a feast for the eyes, but also a concert for the ears! 🎧🎸 Looks like there's no 'mute' button on this handsome package! 😄🔊"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Telegram this month:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

95 shares on Slack this month:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

71 shares on Threads this month:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

31 shares on X this month:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

78 shares on Discord this month:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

21 shares on Discord this month:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

62 shares on Threads this month:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,346

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Live now on Snapchat:

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Going viral on WeChat:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Going viral on Slack:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Shared recently on YouTube:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Trending via Pinterest:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Making waves on X:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Just shared via Instagram:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Going viral on Facebook:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

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