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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

If every lesbian is into older women, who’s gonna like the younger ones?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
"Home is where you trust the toilet seat… and hope the floor isn't too cold in the middle of the night 😅🚽 #TheStruggleIsReal"

comfort, home, humor, seat, toilet, trust

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on WeChat this month:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

26 shares on Threads this month:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

74 shares on Discord this month:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

89 shares on Discord this month:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

People text you when you look good in photos.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Shared recently on Threads:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Just shared via Instagram:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Making waves on Discord:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Seen just now on Discord:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Making waves on Threads:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

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Activity Log ✨

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Keep the laugh going 😂

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

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