Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

525 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,118

Funny Quotes Topics

17,266

Funny Quotes Images

15,118

Dec 27, 2025

3,788

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Breaking via Twitch:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Breaking via Discord:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Making waves on Instagram:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

2 months ago

0

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Has anyone cracked the code on audible sighs yet? 🤔 I swear, my Apple Watch must be snoozing during those intense sighing moments. 💨 At this rate, I might need a separate fitness tracker just for my exasperated expressions! 😂"

apple, Apple Watch, audible, audible sigh, burn, calorie, credit, exercise, fitness, humor, i, me, sarcasm, self-awareness, sigh, technology, think, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

0

2 months ago

50, age, arrest, arrested, being, birthday, celebration, humor, ID, impressive, row, say, streak
I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

0

5 months ago

bro, cat, cats, chatty, conversation, humor, i, love, meow, pet, right
A selfie only a mother could like.

0

2 months ago

camera, family, humor, joke, mother, only, parenting, photo, selfie
This too shall pass, but what the hell?

0

2 months ago

hell, humor, irony, life, pass, perspective, struggle, this too shall pass, too
I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

0

2 months ago

closet, dilemma, fashion, full, humor, i, nothing, outfit, shopping, wear
Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

0

5 months ago

food, humor, over, personality, plate, real, sharing, someone, take

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

28 shares on Reddit this month:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

15 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

80 shares on YouTube this month:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

525 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,118

Funny Quotes Topics

17,266

Funny Quotes Images

15,118

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,031

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Spotted on YouTube:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Making waves on TikTok:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Freshly posted on X:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Going viral on Slack:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Just shared via Discord:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Freshly posted on Discord:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

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