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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,823

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Freshly posted on Slack:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Going viral on Reddit:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Going bananas on X:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Live now on Facebook:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Freshly posted on X:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Going bananas on Telegram:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Going viral on Instagram:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

2 months ago

0

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Has anyone cracked the code on audible sighs yet? 🤔 I swear, my Apple Watch must be snoozing during those intense sighing moments. 💨 At this rate, I might need a separate fitness tracker just for my exasperated expressions! 😂"

apple, Apple Watch, audible, audible sigh, burn, calorie, credit, exercise, fitness, humor, i, me, sarcasm, self-awareness, sigh, technology, think, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

0

2 months ago

exercise, financial, financial struggle, fitness, humor, joke, money, month, running, struggle
Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

0

2 months ago

biblical, humor, intention, loophole, marriage, married, never, premarital, relationship, sex
Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

0

2 months ago

being, bills, carefree, dinosaur, extinct, humor, just, nice, relaxation, simplicity, sounds, work
Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

0

2 months ago

almond, eating, food, humor, joke, sarcasm, scam, wood
I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

0

2 months ago

diet, fitness, gaining, humor, i, irony, struggle, week, weight
How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

0

2 months ago

activity, e-scooter, fun, fun activity, funny situation, humor, perception, reaction, respect, situation, social, social perception, someone, unexpected

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Twitch this month:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

24 shares on Slack this month:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,017

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Trending via YouTube:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Just shared via Reddit:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

Trending via Messenger:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Going viral on Pinterest:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Shared recently on TikTok:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Just landed via Telegram:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Spotted on TikTok:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Shared recently on X:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

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