I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.
I deliberately don't go to bed early. I don't want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.
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Commentary:
β€œWho needs productivity when you can have a flawless excuse for sleeping in? πŸ˜‚ Keep dodging responsibilities like a pro, because who wants to be useful, right? πŸ›ŒπŸ’€ #SleepIsLife”

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

  • If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.
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    Commentary:
    πŸ¦•πŸ€£ Oh, the Jurassic snore strikes again! Forget T-Rex, we’ve got the husband rumbling like a raptor on a roll! πŸ¦–πŸ’€ Don’t need a park for that prehistoric sound show, just tune in to the nightly snore-saurus spectacle! πŸ˜‚ #SleepySaurussSymphony

  • Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.
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    Commentary:
    β€œWho needs a gym membership when you’re getting a daily workout from all those eye rolls? With that kind of exercise regimen, your eyes must be in tip-top shape and ready for the eye-lympics!”

  • I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.
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    Commentary:
    β€œGive me cake, or give me a fork! 🍰🍴 Who can resist the sweet temptation of a delicious slice? Indulging in cake is always a piece of cake! πŸ˜‰β€

  • I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, β€œOkay, my turn.”
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    Commentary:
    β€œOh, the ultimate twist in spa history! The massage therapist becoming the massagee πŸ€£πŸ’†β€β™‚οΈ Who knew self-care could involve such a role reversal! #MassageTherapistGoals”

  • How did they call Deadpool’s dog β€˜Dogpool’ when β€˜Deadpoodle’ was right there?
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    Commentary:
    Well, it’s a missed opportunity for some paw-ssible pun-ishment! 🐾πŸ’₯ Maybe they were worried it would be too fluffy for Deadpool’s tough image! πŸΆπŸ¦„ #Deadpoolproblems

  • Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!
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    Commentary:
    β€œPlease stop with the emergency calls, folks! No need to dial 911 when my dancing skills light up the dance floor πŸ”₯πŸ’ƒ. I assure you, I’m just in my groove and owning it like a boss! πŸ’β€β™‚οΈπŸš«πŸ“ž #JustDanceItOut”