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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Just landed via YouTube:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Going viral on Twitch:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Making waves on Telegram:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

Just shared via Twitch:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Just landed via X:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Just landed via Reddit:

Half princess, half menace.

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about dismissing the phone box—humorous advice for millennials.

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Commentary:
Why do we keep those boxes? Are we secretly hoping to use them as tiny condos for our chargers? 📦📱😂

advice, away, box, came, hear, humor, i, know, millennial, need, needs, never, phone, throw, throw away

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44 shares on X this month:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Wolves should really raise more people.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Freshly posted on X:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Just landed via Twitch:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Just landed via Instagram:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Just landed via Telegram:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

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I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

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I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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