Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

520 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,113

Funny Quotes Topics

17,264

Funny Quotes Images

15,113

Dec 25, 2025

3,706

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Shared recently on X:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Seen just now on Slack:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Just shared via Telegram:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Just landed via Reddit:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Going viral on YouTube:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Spotted on Messenger:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Trending via Twitch:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Just landed via Facebook:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

2 months ago

0

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' days of answering the phone blindly 📞😱 It was a wild time of thrilling unknowns! Ring, ring – cue the daredevil 'hello' 😆 Who needs caller ID when you've got nerves of steel? 🦸‍♂️💥 #BraveAnsweringSkills"

answer, answering, believe, bravery, caller, caller ID, calling, communication, daredevil, hard, hello, i, ID, idea, just, nostalgia, phone, picked, surprise, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

0

5 months ago

dialogue, head, humor, internal, internal dialogue, me, much, self, self-doubt, starting, think, voice
Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

0

2 months ago

centipede, flip, flip flop, flop, footwear, humor, imagination, imagine, sound, tiny
I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, bedtime, forward, hours, humor, insomnia, irony, looking, rest, sleep, thinking, tonight
Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

0

1 month ago

cause, delicious, dishes, dishwashing, doing, food, hate, humor, i, laziness, paper, paper plate, plate, red, rose, roses, taco, tacos
My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

0

2 months ago

commitment, ex, food, giant, humor, i, issues, jar, joke, Nutella, relationship
I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, anyone, humor, introvert, mean, never, people, secret, social, social anxiety, talking, tell

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

34 shares on Discord this month:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

36 shares on X this month:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

84 shares on Facebook this month:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

520 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,113

Funny Quotes Topics

17,264

Funny Quotes Images

15,113

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,708

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Spotted on Reddit:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Trending via Facebook:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Shared recently on Instagram:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Going viral on Reddit:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Making waves on Instagram:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Spotted on Telegram:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Trending via Slack:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Making waves on X:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

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