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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Shared recently on X:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Making waves on WeChat:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Shared recently on X:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Going bananas on X:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Just landed via Messenger:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Trending via Snapchat:

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Witty quote about enjoying self-conversations and ending up in agreement, playful and humorous.
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Commentary:
"Having a riveting debate with myself today was truly a sight to behold 👥💬 Who needs company when you can have such agreeable conversations with the one and only Me, Myself, and I? 💁‍♂️💁‍♀️ #IWinEveryTime"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on X this month:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

56 shares on Facebook this month:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

97 shares on Threads this month:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

15 shares on Discord this month:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

58 shares on X this month:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,330

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Shared recently on Telegram:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Making waves on X:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Seen just now on TikTok:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Spotted on Facebook:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

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