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Commentary:
"Having three kids is like playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly – you've already built hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, so rolling the dice again might just bankrupt you!"

children, family, fear, humor, joke, kid, kids, parenting, sex

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

0

1 month ago

beautiful, club, dating, humor, jazz, jazz club, problem, taking, woman, women
I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

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2 months ago

anything, appointment, busy, day, day off, else, excuse, humor, i, later, management, person, procrastination, rest, time, time management
Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

0

3 months ago

actually, cleaning, countertop, countertop cleaning, daily, daily routine, face, face washing, feet, feet washing, floor, floor cleaning, forearm, forearm washing, hair, hair washing, hand, hand washing, hands, humor, hygiene, multitasking, routine, shirt, shirt washing, washing
The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

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2 months ago

activity, drink, leisure, Midwest, nice, nice weather, outdoor, patio, relaxation, social, social activity, soon, urge, weather
A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

0

2 months ago

desire, humor, Italy, money, month, motivation, travel, vacation, work
The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

0

2 months ago

audacity, behavior, collective, culture, group, guy, guys, humor, internet, internet culture, media, noun, online, online behavior, reply, reply guy, sarcastic, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Threads this month:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

70 shares on Slack this month:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

98 shares on Reddit this month:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

70 shares on Threads this month:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

Making waves on Twitch:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Just landed via Discord:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Just landed via Snapchat:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Spotted on X:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Just landed via Telegram:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Making waves on Discord:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨