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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Cheating on an exam by memorizing all the content beforehand so I can easily answer the questions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Trending via Facebook:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Shared recently on Threads:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Spotted on WeChat:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Going viral on TikTok:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

2 months ago

0

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
“May your birthday bash be as wild as your grand entrance into this world – full of life, noise, and maybe a few embarrassed family members 😜👶🎉 Happy birthday!”

birth, birthday, celebrate, hope, humor, i, naked, party, screaming

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

0

2 months ago

award, candy, comedy, confession, dentist, deserve, eat, honesty, humor, i, lie, Oscar, telling
Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, cake, existential, food, humor, i, imagine, know, nothingness, rice, rice cake, still, taste, thanks
One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

0

2 months ago

accept, answer, asking, best, cooky, diet, humor, i, internet, irony, know, me, question, sarcasm, self-awareness, someone, website, WeightWatchers
The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

0

2 months ago

best, best part, humor, marriage, partner, relationship, something, stupid, worst, worst part
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

0

2 months ago

cycle, fun, humor, life, routine, waiting, weekend
I will never stop being a quitter!

0

2 months ago

being, commitment, humor, i, irony, never, never stop, quitter, self-deprecation, stop

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on X this month:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

10 shares on X this month:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,688

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Manipulative birthday text to an ex idea: thank you for loving me briefly in the way that only you could.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Trending via YouTube:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Making waves on Facebook:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Making waves on Twitch:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Going bananas on Discord:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Spotted on Telegram:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Breaking via X:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Breaking via YouTube:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Trending via YouTube:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

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