Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,852

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Trending via Pinterest:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Going viral on Facebook:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Broadcasted on X:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Relationship goals: synchronizing our eye rolls 😆🙄❤️

annoyance, annoyed, compatibility, cringe, dating, humor, humorous, i, interest, just, relationship, same, shared, shared interest, someone, things, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

0

2 months ago

door, front, front door, honesty, humor, i, liar, mat, sarcasm, welcome, welcome mat
Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

0

5 months ago

another, decision, finance, financial, financial decision, fix, humor, irresponsibility, irresponsible, joke, making, maybe, me, money, personal, personal finance, self-deprecation
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

0

3 months ago

devil, eating, ever, food, good, humor, making, taste, temptation, trick, unhealthy, unhealthy eating, unhealthy food
A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

0

5 months ago

acting, age, bad, behavior, fun, humor, little, never, playfulness, spent, thing, time, youthfulness
Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

0

2 months ago

best, cutting, diagonally, dish, food, horizontally, humor, joke, revenge, sandwich, wit
I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

0

2 months ago

age, diet, eat, eating, food, fork, gain, gaining, humor, i, pounds, struggle, used, wanted, weight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on WeChat this month:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

34 shares on X this month:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Just landed via Snapchat:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Shared recently on Slack:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Seen just now on WeChat:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨