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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Pizza should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,532

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Just shared via Instagram:

That awkward moment between birth and death.

Trending via Telegram:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Live now on X:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Spotted on Messenger:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Please hesitate to reach out.

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Relationship goals: synchronizing our eye rolls 😆🙄❤️

annoyance, annoyed, compatibility, cringe, dating, humor, humorous, i, interest, just, relationship, same, shared, shared interest, someone, things, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

2 months ago

addiction, cigarette, happening, humor, just, me, peaceful, personal, personal struggle, power, struggle, transition
The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

1 week ago

daily, daily struggle, day, exist, existence, fact, humor, i, irritation, least, me, once, reflection, sarcasm, self, self-reflection, struggle
Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

2 months ago

anxiety, anyone, avoidance, hope, house, i, introvert, leaving, me, social, social anxiety
I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

1 day ago

dialogue, head, humor, internal, internal dialogue, me, much, self, self-doubt, starting, think, voice
I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

2 months ago

always, am, confirm, confirmation, door, doors, dumb, humor, i, pull, push, self-deprecation, three, times
Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

2 months ago

fitted, fitted sheet, ghost, ghosts, humor, joke, linens, never, notice, observation, sheet, wear

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Spotted on Instagram:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Shared recently on Slack:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Making waves on Messenger:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

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Activity Log ✨

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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