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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has shared:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has viewed:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has shared:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog β€˜Dogpool’ when β€˜Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¨ has shared:

Why will Satan torture people in hell for disobeying the same God he disobeyed?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Threads:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Just landed via Threads:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

Live now on Threads:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to β€œJust Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Trending via X:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Making waves on Reddit:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Playful quote about procrastination with a clever pun on being a "pro."
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"I put the 'pro' in procrastinate…and the 'astinate'. πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚ Who said being a pro at something was always a good thing? At least you're excelling in taking your sweet time!β³πŸ† #ProcrastinationExpert"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Never eat more than you can lift.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

60 shares on Threads this month:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

66 shares on X this month:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro β€” it’s not personal.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has copied:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has shared:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has copied:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has shared:

β€œI’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡± has shared:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has shared:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Twitch:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Breaking via Reddit:

β€œI have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Live now on Instagram:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

Spotted on Slack:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Trending via Messenger:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Going viral on Threads:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Going viral on Telegram:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

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