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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Trending via Pinterest:

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

Just landed via Slack:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Spotted on Twitch:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Spotted on TikTok:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Just landed via Slack:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

2 months ago

0

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs family drama and friend antics when you have cake as your soulmate? 🍰👰‍♀️ Just you, your big cake, and maybe a fork for good measure. Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too? 😂 #SingleLifeGoals"

big, cake, celebration, eating, family, friends, groom, humor, i, just, me, self-indulgence, small, solo, want, wedding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

0

2 months ago

art, friend, funny idea, humor, idea, jeff, park, people, public, public art, regular, regular people, should, statue, through, walking
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

0

2 months ago

achievement, broke, consecutive, days, humor, i, life, most, personal, record, today
Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

0

2 months ago

diary, humor, husband, i, promise, relationship, secret, tell, trust
We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

0

2 months ago

addict, addiction, choice, drug, humor, just, life, struggle
My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

0

2 months ago

act, afraid, childhood, creatures, ever, family, humor, kids, monsters, parenting, terrifying
If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

0

2 months ago

aging, car, cd, colonoscopy, health, humor, joke, life, life joke, medical, medical joke, original, protection, schedule, technology, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

71 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

46 shares on X this month:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Going bananas on TikTok:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Seen just now on Threads:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Breaking via Reddit:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

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