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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,376

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Going bananas on Twitch:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Just landed via Pinterest:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Spotted on TikTok:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Spotted on Telegram:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Just landed via WeChat:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about dating with a humorous twist and a playful vibe.

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Commentary:
Oh, I get it! You're secretly assembling an Avengers team but with just dates. 🍕🕵️‍♀️💥

dating, fun, humor, marriage, marry, reason, relationship, secret, secret reason, third

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on YouTube this month:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

62 shares on X this month:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

38 shares on Threads this month:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

95 shares on Slack this month:

That’s just brainslop. You only came up with that by thinking.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Making waves on Discord:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Trending via Slack:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Spotted on Messenger:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Going viral on Threads:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Just landed via Facebook:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Spotted on X:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Trending via Telegram:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Broadcasted on Discord:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨