I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

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Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

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I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3am coming back from the club.

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My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

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Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

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In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

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I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

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Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

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Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

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I overthink, therefore I am.

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Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.