I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?