Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Breaking via Pinterest:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Shared recently on Slack:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Just landed via Discord:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Trending via Reddit:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Just shared via Facebook:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Just shared via Twitch:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Going viral on Reddit:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you’ve got a built-in commentary feature! 😂🤐🎬

expression, face, humor, i, jealous, jealousy, know, people, shut, silence, subtitles, talking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

0

2 months ago

ages, back, cooking, cupboard, Europe, food, history, humor, middle, Middle Ages, spices, still, storage
Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

0

2 months ago

around, battery, died, funny story, humor, i, me, problem-solving, remote, story, technology, tell, TV, weekend, wild, wild weekend, working
It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

0

2 months ago

anything, better, everything, humor, irony, know, know-it-all, shame
Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

0

2 months ago

boost, buying, credit, credit score, debt, finance, food, food stamp, grocery, humor, management, money, money management, score, shopping, should, stamp
Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

0

2 months ago

arguing, forehead, humor, i, let, once, relationship, tension, vein
I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, bad, bad weather, driving, humor, i, mind, people, road, road safety, safety, traffic, weather

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

49 shares on X this month:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Social Media Log 💫

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨