Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,626

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Making waves on Facebook:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Seen just now on Telegram:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

Seen just now on Discord:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you’ve got a built-in commentary feature! 😂🤐🎬

expression, face, humor, i, jealous, jealousy, know, people, shut, silence, subtitles, talking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

94 shares on Instagram this month:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

68 shares on Threads this month:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Making waves on TikTok:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨