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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Making waves on Twitch:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Just shared via Slack:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Just landed via Messenger:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Spreading quickly via X:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Going viral on Threads:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Just shared via X:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about longing for bed, capturing a humorous, sleepy vibe.

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Commentary:
Ah, the classic morning-to-bed teleportation dream, where the snooze button is the real hero! 😴⏰

back, bed, fantasy, going, humor, i, morning, procrastination, sleep, tiredness, waking, waking up, woke

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on YouTube this month:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I put the mess in domestic.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

56 shares on X this month:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Spotted on Facebook:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Making waves on Discord:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Just shared via TikTok:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Just shared via Slack:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Trending via WeChat:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Live now on X:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Seen just now on Threads:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

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Activity Log ✨

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨