Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Windmill? Big fan.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

462 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,731

Funny Quotes Topics

17,753

Funny Quotes Images

15,731

Updated

Jan 14, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Live now on Twitch:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Seen just now on YouTube:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew filling out forms could be a crime spree? 😂🔒 #TaxFraudInTraining"

financial, Friday, humor, i, jail, joke, just, own, responsibility, self-assessment, tax

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

2 months ago

alcohol, drink, drunk, fishing, fly, fruit, fruit fly, humor, party, perspective, still
Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

6 months ago

after, age, aging, alcohol, better, bourbon, drinking, feel, feeling, feeling better, fine, fine bourbon, humor, least
Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

2 months ago

difference, education, grammar, humor, joke, knowing, language, shit, wordplay, writing
“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

2 months ago

bro, experience, humor, i, irony, learn, life, live, reluctance, things, want, wisdom
I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

2 months ago

humor, i, morning, noon, person, procrastination, sleep, time
One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

4 months ago

disappointment, expectation, humor, most, severe, things, thunderstorm, warning, weather

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

57 shares on WeChat this month:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

69 shares on Facebook this month:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

39 shares on Slack this month:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Live now on LinkedIn:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Shared recently on Facebook:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Trending via Messenger:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Going viral on Instagram:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Live now on X:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Making waves on Pinterest:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨