Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Shared recently on Slack:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Just shared via Twitch:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Going viral on WeChat:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Just shared via Facebook:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew filling out forms could be a crime spree? 😂🔒 #TaxFraudInTraining"

financial, Friday, humor, i, jail, joke, just, own, responsibility, self-assessment, tax

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

0

2 months ago

Calculus, cause, complicated, daughter, family, humor, joke, parenting
Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

0

2 months ago

education, everyone, hate, humor, irony, know, looks, math, money, paycheck, trigonometry
If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

0

3 months ago

cactus, drink, drink water, health, hydration, reading, reminder, water
In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

0

1 month ago

activity, bowling, comparison, end, energy, expectations, experience, fun, fun activity, high, high hopes, hopes, humor, lowered, lowered self-esteem, pancakes, self-esteem
The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

0

1 month ago

bladder, empty, half, half empty, humor, irony, optimist, perspective
Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

0

1 month ago

age, forgetfulness, humor, humor about age, loss, lost, myself, self-deprecating, time, whoops

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Threads this month:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

10 shares on Threads this month:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

70 shares on Discord this month:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Just shared via Instagram:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Shared recently on Messenger:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Live now on Pinterest:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Going viral on Reddit:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Making waves on X:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨