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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Trending via Slack:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Just landed via Discord:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Spotted on WeChat:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Just shared via Pinterest:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Live now on Discord:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Shared recently on Threads:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Trending via Threads:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew filling out forms could be a crime spree? 😂🔒 #TaxFraudInTraining"

financial, Friday, humor, i, jail, joke, just, own, responsibility, self-assessment, tax

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

0

2 months ago

breakup, day, free, freedom, girl, girls, healing, humor, just, process, recovery, relationship, wake
Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

0

2 months ago

acting, average, average person, dafoe, different, even, film, film industry, industry, movie, Nosferatu, opportunity, person, uniqueness, willem, Willem Dafoe
The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

0

2 months ago

comfort, downside, funny observation, furniture, getting, hammock, having, observation, outdoor, outdoor furniture, relaxation, struggle
Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

0

2 months ago

awesome, brain, brains, humor, i, intelligence, sarcasm, self-deprecation, wish, wit
Blowing over it is also dusting.

0

2 months ago

blowing, cleaning, dusting, humor, irony, over, perspective
Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

0

2 months ago

amount, boss, day, five, give, high, high five, humor, humorous, humorous quote, i, job, joke, motivation, motivational, motivational prank, office, office humor, prank, workplace, workplace joke

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on WeChat this month:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

34 shares on Threads this month:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

63 shares on Slack this month:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

99 shares on Slack this month:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Breaking via Telegram:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Just shared via Instagram:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Spotted on YouTube:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Making waves on TikTok:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Spotted on WeChat:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Going viral on Instagram:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨