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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Making waves on YouTube:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

How do people post 25 times a day? The only thing I can do 25 times a day is pee.

Trending via WeChat:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Making waves on Twitch:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Trending via Threads:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

Seen just now on Slack:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Witty text about enjoying life and humorously referencing leftovers in a playful way.
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Commentary:
"Who needs 'love' when you have 'leftovers'? Live life to the fullest, laugh heartily, and always remember that the real joy lies in the delicious remnants waiting in the fridge!"

, , , ,

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

63 shares on Threads this month:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,740

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Just shared via TikTok:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Just shared via TikTok:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Just landed via X:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Just landed via Slack:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

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