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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

The inner child in me is open-mouth coughing on the inner child in you.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,626

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Spotted on TikTok:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Spotted on Slack:

It’s so unrealistic for me to delete WhatsApp, but man, I’d love to do it.

Just landed via Reddit:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Spotted on Reddit:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Just landed via Telegram:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Just shared via X:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Guess I'll have to make some space in the closet for my dreams of a man cave 😂🏠

commitment, fear, humor, i, marriage, mean, own, relationship, room, scary

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15 shares on X this month:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

13 shares on Discord this month:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Breaking via X:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Shared recently on X:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Making waves on Facebook:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Trending via TikTok:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Spotted on Slack:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Shared recently on X:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

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Activity Log ✨

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Keep the laugh going 😂

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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