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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,699

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Trending via Pinterest:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Going viral on Snapchat:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Breaking via Facebook:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Just shared via Instagram:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Just shared via Messenger:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Making waves on Telegram:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Just shared via Slack:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Playing Where's Waldo: Relationship Edition! 🕵️‍♀️😂✨

am, else, enjoying, everyone, ex, here, humor, i, independence, just, life, own, own life, relationship, single, someone, someone else, where, wondering

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

0

2 months ago

country, country music, dental, dental visit, dentist, double, humor, music, music preference, pain, preference, torture, visit
“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

0

2 months ago

arrival, ask, bird, birds, ETA, humor, question, sky, travel, waiting
I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, best, childhood, days, finding, fun, fun activity, hide, hide and seek, hiding, hiding place, i, love, nostalgia, place, playing, seek, simplicity, stress
I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

0

2 months ago

compliment, confidence, delicious, girl, humor, i, love, myself, perfume, self-love, smell
I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

0

2 months ago

humor, humorous, humorous quote, independent, independent woman, irony, sarcastic, sarcastic humor, self-empowerment, strong, strong woman, woman
A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

0

4 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, culture, little, paw, pet, respect, resting, sign

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on WeChat this month:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Shared recently on Discord:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Making waves on Twitch:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨