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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Breaking via Discord:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Spotted on Instagram:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Going viral on Reddit:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Trending via Snapchat:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Trending via Telegram:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Just shared via Instagram:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about health, showing a humorous take on the immune system's personality.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like your immune system is all about spreading love, not germs! 💕🥊 Who knew it had such a romantic side? 😄 #ImmuneSystemGoals"

fighter, health, humor, immune, immune system, lover, me, personality, system

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22 shares on Telegram this month:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

31 shares on Threads this month:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

72 shares on Slack this month:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

45 shares on Discord this month:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Making waves on Facebook:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Going viral on Twitch:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Trending via Slack:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

Going viral on Discord:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

Making waves on WeChat:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

Live now on Slack:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

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Activity Log ✨

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Keep the laugh going 😂

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨