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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Spotted on Facebook:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Just shared via TikTok:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Seen just now on Threads:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Trending via YouTube:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

2 weeks ago

Playful text highlighting a humorous obsession with eating family and poor punctuation skills.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Capitalization and punctuation are important, folks. Otherwise, you'll end up with a sentence that's both hilarious and terrifying! Remember: Commas save lives, but they can also spice up your family barbecue 🍔🤣 #PunctuationMatters"

comma, commas, eating, family, favorite, food, grammar, humor, joke, miscommunication, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

95 shares on Slack this month:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

56 shares on Discord this month:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

85 shares on X this month:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

71 shares on Slack this month:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,589

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Just landed via Instagram:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Spotted on Threads:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Spotted on YouTube:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Spotted on X:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

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