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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Going viral on TikTok:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Making waves on TikTok:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Spotted on X:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Spotted on Threads:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Trending via Reddit:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

Trending via Pinterest:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Playful quote about neighbors arguing, with a witty idea to eavesdrop by knocking on the wall.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Living in a shared space: where listening to arguments through the walls becomes a whole new form of entertainment 🎭🤔🎶 #NeighborDrama"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

78 shares on X this month:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

66 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,754

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Just landed via Discord:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Just shared via Threads:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Making waves on Telegram:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

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