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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Spotted on TikTok:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Trending via Facebook:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Trending via Messenger:

I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

Going viral on WeChat:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Making waves on Twitch:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about resisting a craving with a playful twist on dieting.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me skipping the midnight cookie: tomorrow, I'm expecting to wake up as a runway model. 😂🍪💃"

better, cookie, craving, diet, eating, humor, i, loss, motivation, self-control, skinny, temptation, tomorrow, wake, weight, weight loss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

2 weeks ago

advice, ask, communication, concerns, hesitate, humor, irony, questions
Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

1 week ago

frustration, humor, me, patience, please, PTO, rage, saving, test, warning
If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

1 week ago

death, frustration, humor, i, office, sarcasm, spread, spreadsheet, today, work
If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

3 weeks ago

car, cream, fun, humor, ice, ice cream, impress, me, novelty, should, van, vehicle, want
Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

1 week ago

cheeky, greeting, hospitality, humor, i, invitation, over, sarcasm, social, welcome
With great power comes a huge electric bill.

1 week ago

bill, cost, electric, electric bill, electricity, energy, great, huge, humor, joke, power, responsibility

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m only dead on the outside.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

55 shares on Threads this month:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Broadcasted on Slack:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Just shared via Instagram:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Going viral on Snapchat:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Just shared via Instagram:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Just shared via Threads:

Y’all shivering in this cold cause them Shein jackets made outta paper towels.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨