Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’