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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Dating for love isnโ€™t working. Now Iโ€™m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

Being an adult feels like, โ€œIf I can just get through this week, Iโ€™ll be okay,โ€ but itโ€™s every damn week.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Freshly posted on X:

Iโ€™m bringing back โ€œholy molyโ€ and nobody can stop me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Live now on Snapchat:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The feminine urge to say โ€œouchโ€ when I bump into things that doesnโ€™t even hurt.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Going viral on WeChat:

If youโ€™re a guy and youโ€™re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Just landed via Slack:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Trending via X:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

People text you when you look good in photos.

Humorous image featuring a witty quote about receiving messages when looking good in photos.
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Commentary:
When your inbox is empty, you start to wonder if your camera is in witness protection ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ“ทโœจ

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Social Media Stars โญ

39 shares on Discord this month:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

68 shares on Facebook this month:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

You donโ€™t really see women throwing their boyfriendโ€™s stuff out the window anymore.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

94 shares on Slack this month:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if itโ€™s a good laundry day.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says โ€œletโ€™s hear from someone who hasnโ€™t spoken yetโ€

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

When your children are teenagers, itโ€™s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,667

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has copied:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

I noticed you havenโ€™t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

I canโ€™t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Broadcasted on Slack:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. Itโ€™s called balance.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Going viral on WeChat:

Iโ€™m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Spotted on Threads:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Just shared via WeChat:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Spotted on Reddit:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Spotted on Messenger:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Going viral on Instagram:

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

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