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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Spotted on Telegram:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Just landed via Messenger:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Breaking via TikTok:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Spotted on Discord:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Just shared via Telegram:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about beauty: longer-lasting phone battery for the 'ugly' side.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a power bank when your face is already draining all the energy around you? 😂🔋 #UglyButSavingBatteryLife"

appearance, battery, dating, humor, joke, perks, phone, self-deprecation, ugly

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48 shares on Slack this month:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

43 shares on YouTube this month:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

68 shares on Slack this month:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

10 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Just shared via Discord:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Just landed via X:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Making waves on Twitch:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

Making waves on Facebook:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Breaking via WeChat:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Spotted on Messenger:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

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Activity Log ✨

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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