Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

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Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

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I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

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Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

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Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

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Hobbies include being misunderstood.

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Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

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He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

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On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

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Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I need a break from me.