Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Breaking via Instagram:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Live now on Instagram:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Breaking via TikTok:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Boop! Looks like I accidentally hit the "volume up" button instead 😅🔊🤐

apology, boop, button, communication, hoping, humor, i, joke, mute, mute button, nose, sorry, sound

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53 shares on Threads this month:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

61 shares on Discord this month:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

99 shares on Discord this month:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

13 shares on Telegram this month:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

65 shares on Slack this month:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Going viral on YouTube:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Trending via Pinterest:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Just shared via Instagram:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Making waves on Threads:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Just landed via Pinterest:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Making waves on Discord:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨