Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

60 shares on Threads this month:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

70 shares on Telegram this month:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

69 shares on Reddit this month:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

12 shares on Discord this month:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.