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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Just landed via Instagram:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Going bananas on Reddit:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Just landed via YouTube:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Live now on Discord:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Making waves on WeChat:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Just landed via WeChat:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Just shared via Instagram:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Breaking via WeChat:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Witty quote about sharing thoughts and social media, playful and humorous in tone.
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Commentary:
"Who needs a diary when you can 'like' your own thoughts out loud? 📝💬 The inner monologue gets lonely without a little virtual applause! 👏😄 #JournalingForValidation"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Threads this month:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

87 shares on Slack this month:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

90 shares on Discord this month:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

61 shares on Threads this month:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,691

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Going viral on Pinterest:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Spotted on Reddit:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Breaking via WeChat:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Breaking via WeChat:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Live now on Telegram:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

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