Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,509

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Live now on Snapchat:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Breaking via TikTok:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Making waves on Facebook:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Just shared via WeChat:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

1 week ago

Playful quote about cookie jokes and tech humor, highlighting a witty exchange.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I also perform better with cookies' response – a true testament to the power of sweet treats in boosting performance, both online and off! Who knew that the key to success lay in a delicious batch of cookies? 🍪💻"

cookie, humor, performance, self-deprecation, tech, tech humor, website

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

52 shares on Discord this month:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

53 shares on X this month:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,701

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Making waves on Discord:

You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Live now on Slack:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Trending via Telegram:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

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