Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,537

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

Spotted on Facebook:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Just landed via Slack:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Spotted on Messenger:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Breaking via Reddit:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about eternal rest, expressing witty resignation with a playful tone.

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Commentary:
"Finally hitting the snooze button for eternity 💤⏰ Who says you can't sleep in peace? 🪦😴 #RestInEternalSnooze"

afterlife, death, final, final words, humor, i, irony, rest, tombstone, wake, wake up, want, well, words

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

69 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

23 shares on X this month:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

98 shares on Slack this month:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

47 shares on Telegram this month:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Going bananas on Facebook:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Seen just now on Messenger:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Spotted on Pinterest:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Live now on Reddit:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Trending via Reddit:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Going viral on Pinterest:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨