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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,670

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Just shared via Facebook:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Trending via Telegram:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Seen just now on Discord:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).

Spotted on Facebook:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Shared recently on Telegram:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

2 months ago

0

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the classic IT mystery – the thrill of the unknown! 🤔💻 It's like discovering a rare unicorn in the digital realm! 🦄 Just remember, sometimes being unique can be a good thing… unless you're talking about tech issues! 😂 #ITadventures

bad, before, good, hear, humor, interesting, IT, never, never seen, oh, report, seen, something, technology, troubleshooting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

0

2 months ago

efficiency, employment, ethic, humor, lesson, me, office, office humor, productivity, taught, work, work ethic, workload, workplace, workplace humor
January is the Monday of the year.

0

2 months ago

comparison, humor, January, Monday, new, new year, seasons, time, winter, year
My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

0

2 days ago

asking, before, Christmas, Christmas tree, decoration, family, holiday, live, mom, ornament, putting, tradition, tree, want, where
I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

0

2 weeks ago

afford, budget, calculation, December, finance, holiday, holiday spending, humor, i, money, only, pray, prayer, spending
If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, ghost, humor, irony, nautical, question, ship, water, why
If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

0

2 months ago

awkward, case, conversation, eat, elevator, humor, i, joke, me, say, shut, shut up, stranger, survival, talk, talking, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Slack this month:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

41 shares on Slack this month:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

14 shares on Threads this month:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,765

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Spotted on Pinterest:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Seen just now on X:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Spotted on Instagram:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Just landed via YouTube:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Spotted on TikTok:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

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