Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Seen just now on Discord:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Just shared via WeChat:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Just landed via Snapchat:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Trending via Twitch:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Just shared via Twitch:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Making waves on Slack:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,451

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

These aliens are taking forever.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Live now on Snapchat:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Reported on Reddit:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Breaking via X:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Making waves on Telegram:

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

Shared recently on Discord:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

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