Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account? Posted onMay 20, 2026
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997. Posted onMay 20, 2026
If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school. Posted onMay 20, 2026
She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off” Posted onMay 20, 2026
Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity. Posted onMay 20, 2026
That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home. Posted onMay 20, 2026
There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo. Posted onMay 20, 2026
“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice. Posted onMay 20, 2026