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Plot twist: I turned public transport into a crime scene investigation! 🔍🚂📚🤣
Urologists really went to school and majored in penis.
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When you love your job so much, you make it your… major 🍆🏫😂
Everything is a game of chess. Except chess. Chess is about sex.
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Trying to imagine a chess match that ends in a marriage proposal 💍😂 Checkmate in the game of love! ♟️❤️
People say love is the best feeling, but honestly, finding a bathroom when you’ve got diarrhea might top it.
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When true love's knocking but your stomach is doing the cha-cha, the bathroom is your real soulmate! 🚽💞🤣
They’re making a day when things can be better, and they’re calling it tomorrow.
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When I asked for a day when I'd actually get things done, I was really hoping for two days from now 😅🌟
Kinda funny that if your religion loses enough wars, it gets downgraded to mythology after a generation or two.
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When your gods go from headlining the cosmic concert to opening for Zeus and crew 😂🎸🎤
People don’t say “hobby” anymore. They say, “I’m low-key autistic, and this is my current special interest and hyperfixation.”
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Using all that intense focus to become a master of obscure trivia, one hyperfixation at a time 😂🤓📚
I really love the phrase “with all due respect” because it doesn’t specify how much respect is due. Could be none.
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With all due respect, this comment contains precisely the amount of respect you've earned: 🍪👉🕳️ #NoneRespec-tacular!
If you live in the Marvel Universe, at what point do you move out of New York?
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New York: Great pizza, terrifying daily commutes alongside Hulk and aliens 🚀🗽🍕
We need a lengthy German word for that sinking sensation when, at lunch with a friend, you see that your friend has ordered a much better lunch than you did.
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Lunch envy: the wurst kind of betrayal! 🌭😩🍽️