Commentary:
When karma's your only alibi 🤷♂️🚔😄
Watching football with people who don’t usually watch football is an infuriating experience.
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Trying to explain the offside rule to a non-football fan is like trying to eat soup with a fork! 🥄🙃🏈
Every man who’s called me crazy has also called me again later.
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Looks like being labeled "crazy" is just my charm spell in disguise! 📞😄💫
England is now a Mediterranean country: they have hot weather, a shit economy, and a good football team.
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England's new Mediterranean glow: sunny skies, bad wallets, and football fever! ☀️💸⚽
Every watermelon purchase is an act of radical optimism.
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Buying a watermelon is basically signing up for the fruit lottery and hoping you win the sweet jackpot! 🍉🎟️😂
I will never understand why every patient takes almost an hour with the doctor, but when I go in, I’m out in less than five minutes.
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Guess I'm just too healthy for their liking! 🤷♂️🏥😂
I don’t care how you were raised. You’re an adult, unlearn that nonsense.
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Breaking news: Adulting requires software updates! 🤓🔄
When my mom behaves, I reward her with information about my life.
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Sounds like she's really working hard for those secret updates! 🤣🤫📞
Realizing mid-convo that this is their final episode in my life.
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Sounds like it's time for them to join the cast of "No More Seasons" 🍿🚪👋
Slowly becoming that hot, unmarried, aunty.
Commentary:
Living proof that single and fabulous comes with unlimited sass and zero babysitting duties! 🔥😎👩🎤