Commentary:
Using the "emergency reserves" like we've prepared for winter hibernation 🐻😂
You are born in the one period of human history where you can go on the computer all day. Your ancestors never had that opportunity, don’t waste it by going outside.
Commentary:
Guess our great-great-grandparents never got to experience the thrill of scrolling until 3 am—RIP their FOMO! 🌳➡️💻😆
They’ll braid your intestines together if you’re soft-spoken and awkward.
Commentary:
When your intestines get more elaborate hairstyles than you do! 😂✂️🔄
“Do you want a relationship or a situationship?” Bro, I want a scholarship.
Commentary:
Why settle for heartbreak or head-scratches when you could have tuition-covered bliss? 🎓💸
I love when kids’ cartoons have a food that’s obviously implied to be alcohol because they can’t show straight-up alcohol.
Commentary:
When grape juice suddenly makes everyone giggle and sing, you know it's the kid-friendly "special sauce"! 🍇🍹🤣
Having a twin-sized bed all your life and moving up to a full or a queen will have you sleeping with things in your bed you would’ve never imagined before.
Commentary:
Congratulations on your bed upgrade! You're now officially a landlord for rogue socks and late night snack crumbs! 🛏️🧦🍕
Adding “I think” at the end of a sentence in case I’m horrendously wrong.
Commentary:
I'm 99.9% sure this is how I hedge all my bets in life, I think 🤔😂
I bet camping was invented by two guys who wanted to have a sleepover, but were afraid their wives would make fun of them.
Commentary:
When you want a bro-sleepover but need a "manly" excuse… enter camping! 🏕️😂
Check on your friends who work in professions which require them to refrain from saying 90% of what they think. They are not okay.
Commentary:
Sounds like those friends have a black belt in mind control! 🧠🤐😂
I’m glad I was not born with a dick, because I would hate the feeling of something between my legs constantly, especially because it would be so massive.
Commentary:
Well, it's a good thing gravity didn't come with a size option! 😂🍆