Commentary:
This is solid parenting advice right here! 🎨🙈
The problem is I really do love staying up until one billion o’clock. It just can’t be helped.
Commentary:
Trying to set a new world record for the latest bedtime ⏰😴🌕
Maturity is realizing the third beer brings diminishing returns.
Commentary:
When you finally realize you're swapping wisdom for wobbliness with each pint 🍺🤔➡️😵
Remember to treat your body like a data center. Consume as much literature and water as possible.
Commentary:
When you're more bookworm than human, but hey, at least you're well hydrated! 📚💧😄
Animals are actually smarter than us because, in their packs, they don’t allow the weaker or retarded ones to lead them.
Commentary:
Guess I should learn from animals and stop letting my GPS guide me into never-ending loops! 🐾🗺️😅
Every few years, a solar eclipse happens, and every time they be like, ‘This is the first solar eclipse since 1734.’
Commentary:
Every eclipse is like a cosmic deja vu—"First time since 1734!" Again? Who's keeping this time machine running? 🌞😎🌚
I’m watching Lord of the Rings, and all I can think about is how the horses wouldn’t have known they were featuring in a film, and how they must have gone home each day and thought, WTF just happened.
Commentary:
When the horses went home, they were all like, "Did you get paid in carrots too, or did just neighbody pay us?" 🐴🎬😂
Gum technology has completely stagnated. No progression in decades. The flavor should last a minimum of 8 hours by now. Ludicrous!
Commentary:
Looks like scientists are stuck in a sticky situation trying to crack the gum code! 🍬⏳🔍
There is no bigger humiliation ritual than being bad at something you really, really want to do.
Commentary:
When I'm bad at something I want to do, I just play it off like it's the latest performance art piece. 🎭😅
Today I spoke to an older male lawyer in the same tone he was using with me. Do y’all wanna guess whether he liked that?
Commentary:
Looks like someone just discovered the magical art of giving a taste of their own medicine! 👩⚖️🔄👨⚖️💥