There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry. Posted onMay 27, 2026
Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them. Posted onMay 27, 2026
I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong? Posted onMay 27, 2026
I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast. Posted onMay 27, 2026
Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem. Posted onMay 27, 2026
If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become. Posted onMay 27, 2026
I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed. Posted onMay 27, 2026
When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit! Posted onMay 27, 2026
There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime. Posted onMay 27, 2026
Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone. Posted onMay 27, 2026
Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up. Posted onMay 27, 2026
Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag. Posted onMay 27, 2026
My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July. Posted onMay 27, 2026
80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want. Posted onMay 27, 2026
I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. Posted onMay 27, 2026