Switching jobs is so scary. What if they use Microsoft Teams instead of Slack? Posted onMar 9, 2026Mar 9, 2026
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. Posted onMar 9, 2026Mar 9, 2026
Old people won’t listen to you, but will trust a scam caller with their whole chest. Posted onMar 8, 2026Mar 8, 2026
You ever hold an iPhone without a case on it? You can almost feel its eagerness to toss itself onto some pavement. Posted onMar 8, 2026Mar 8, 2026
Make the Microsoft CEO search for an email on Outlook live on camera. Posted onMar 8, 2026Mar 8, 2026
Just once, I’d like to experience the confidence of a goose walking directly into traffic. Posted onMar 8, 2026Mar 8, 2026
Deleting my Call of Duty account so the army can’t see my potential, and I don’t get drafted. Posted onMar 7, 2026Mar 7, 2026
The official signal to go to sleep isn’t yawning. It’s dropping your phone directly onto your own face. Posted onMar 7, 2026Mar 7, 2026
There was a time when Marilyn Manson was the scariest concept in America. Posted onMar 7, 2026Mar 7, 2026
Moved the International Law book to the fiction section in the library. Posted onMar 7, 2026Mar 7, 2026
If I open a restaurant, there won’t be a menu. You will get what you deserve. Posted onMar 7, 2026Mar 7, 2026
My only issue with Ozempic is that some of y’all are taking it before considering the fact that you have a naturally large head. Posted onMar 4, 2026Mar 4, 2026
Sorry, I can’t come. I’m watching Lord of the Rings and contributing to the declining birth rate. Posted onMar 4, 2026Mar 4, 2026
Squirrels always look and act like it’s their first day being a squirrel. Posted onMar 1, 2026Mar 1, 2026
My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet. Posted onFeb 3, 2026