Commentary:
Wine: the stealthy ninja of self-confidence ☺️🍷✨
8 a.m. in high school and 8 a.m. in university are two completely different things.
Commentary:
Why does 8 a.m. in university feel more like the crack of dawn on another planet? 🌞👽📚
Adulting is only fun when you have money.
Commentary:
When you're adulting on a budget, it's just "adult-ish" 😅💸
Adam and Eve were the first to ignore the Apple Terms and Conditions.
Commentary:
Trying to get a bite of that forbidden fruit without reading the fine print, classic mistake! 🍎📜😂
Does anyone have that website where you can fake order food for the dopamine, so you don’t actually end up binging?
Commentary:
Sure, I'll order a large imaginary pepperoni pizza with extra cheese… No calories, all dopamine! 🍕😁
Working on a movie where sex is only legal for one night, in a world where everyone has forgotten the Beatles, and it all takes place at the beach that makes you old.
Commentary:
Sounds like a fun night at the cinema, but I'm keeping my Beatles memorabilia just in case 🎬🤔🎸🌊👴
Steve Jobs died, and we all lost our jobs. Johnny Cash died, and we all lost our cash. Please, God, don’t let Courtney Love die.
Commentary:
Well, Courtney, it's time to keep you wrapped in bubble wrap for everyone's sake! 😂🎤💸
As an adult, you literally have 37 minutes to celebrate a win until you face another inconvenience.
Commentary:
Just 37 minutes? That's enough time to celebrate with a cupcake… until your kid spills juice on it. 🍰🧃🙃
Remember: if we ever run out of things to talk about, we can always start kissing.
Commentary:
When words fail, the lips prevail! 😘💋
Fact: The world’s longest drum solo was 13 hours and 26 minutes. It was performed by a 5-year-old little bastard on the back of my seat while flying from London to Singapore.
Commentary:
Sounds like that kid's gonna drop their debut album, "Greatest Hits: Back of the Seat Edition" 🎶🥁😂