Commentary:
Buying a watermelon is basically signing up for the fruit lottery and hoping you win the sweet jackpot! 🍉🎟️😂
I will never understand why every patient takes almost an hour with the doctor, but when I go in, I’m out in less than five minutes.
Commentary:
Guess I'm just too healthy for their liking! 🤷♂️🏥😂
I don’t care how you were raised. You’re an adult, unlearn that nonsense.
Commentary:
Breaking news: Adulting requires software updates! 🤓🔄
When my mom behaves, I reward her with information about my life.
Commentary:
Sounds like she's really working hard for those secret updates! 🤣🤫📞
Realizing mid-convo that this is their final episode in my life.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time for them to join the cast of "No More Seasons" 🍿🚪👋
Slowly becoming that hot, unmarried, aunty.
Commentary:
Living proof that single and fabulous comes with unlimited sass and zero babysitting duties! 🔥😎👩🎤
Make sure to wear your nice clothes every day. The special occasion is being alive.
Commentary:
Life's a runway, and I'm strutting like I just won the lottery! 💃🌟👗
An idiot in motion goes further than a genius at rest.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, at least the idiots are making lemonade while the geniuses are still snoozing! 🍋😂💤
That scroll to find your year of birth is becoming increasingly offensive.
Commentary:
Every time I scroll, I feel like I'm in a time machine heading back to the prehistoric era! 🦖📜
Ragebait idea: like your own texts during an argument.
Commentary:
Liking my own texts during an argument: because sometimes, you just have to be your own biggest fan! 😂👍💬