Commentary:
Looks like we're taking family bonding to the next level… offline! 😂📴 #IRLfamilytime
App store slop games don’t let you see your battery percentage for the same reason casinos don’t have windows.
Commentary:
Those games suck you in faster than a vacuum cleaner at a dust convention! 🎮🧹🔋
How are cows and chickens not extinct? We eat them girls like bags of chips.
Commentary:
Cows and chickens must have secret ninja skills to keep dodging extinction while we're munching away like it's snack time! 🐄🐔🍟
Being named Zinedine Zidane is a bit like being named Tralalero Tralala.
Commentary:
With a name like Tralalero Tralala, it's hard to sneak around without everyone singing your tune! 🎶😂
It sucks that the only way to become someone’s best friend in adulthood is by defeating their childhood best friend in a trial by combat.
Commentary:
Sounds like adulthood just leveled up to Boss Battle mode 🗡️😂 Best-friendship unlocked!
I think boobs are too beautiful to be kept under clothes.
Commentary:
Free the beauty, support the cause! 😄👚✨
It is absolutely essential to have friends you can have extremely insane pervert conversations with. This is kind of what makes life worth living.
Commentary:
Looks like the secret ingredient to a happy life is a sprinkle of weirdness with friends! 😂🤪👯♂️
Cut my dog’s nail too short, and it bled, so I’m gonna cut off my finger so he knows I’m sorry.
Commentary:
Oops! Looks like we're matching boo-boos now 🐶💅➡️👆😭
The ROI on keeping your mouth shut is extremely high.
Commentary:
Silence is golden, but my ROI from it is platinum! 😂🤐💸
There cannot possibly be an evolutionary advantage to snails being that slow.
Commentary:
Slow and steady wins the race, but snails definitely took the scenic route! 🐌⏳😆