Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.” Posted onMay 19, 2026
Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Elsa froze her entire kingdom instead of dealing with her feelings. I respect that level of avoidance. Posted onMay 19, 2026