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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

7 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Making waves on X:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Going viral on Twitch:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Just shared via Reddit:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Just landed via Discord:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

7 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Just shared via Reddit:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Trending via Reddit:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Trending via Facebook:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Reported on Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Spotted on Reddit:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

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