Is there a word for FOMO but it’s already happened and you didn’t know about it when it was happening? Posted onMay 29, 2026
When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name. Posted onMay 21, 2026
If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t. Posted onMay 23, 2026
There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you. Posted onMay 22, 2026
My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions. Posted onMay 21, 2026
If you accept a knighthood, you should have to participate in at least one jousting tournament a year. The tournaments should be televised. Posted onMay 29, 2026
“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.” Posted onMay 28, 2026
Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up. Posted onMay 27, 2026
Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me. Posted onMay 26, 2026
You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”. Posted onMay 23, 2026
It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax. Posted onMay 24, 2026
They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected. Posted onMay 23, 2026
People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep. Posted onMay 19, 2026
There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want. Posted onMay 23, 2026
I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.” Posted onMay 25, 2026