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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Making waves on Snapchat:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Just landed via Messenger:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Going viral on Facebook:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Just landed via Threads:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Just shared via Facebook:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Making waves on Telegram:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Funny car nap quotes

New funny car nap quotes 👇

All funny car nap quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

72 shares on X this month:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

78 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day.

60 shares on Slack this month:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

27 shares on Discord this month:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Freshly posted on X:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Making waves on Slack:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Going viral on YouTube:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Going viral on Slack:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Making waves on YouTube:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

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