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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,674

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Spotted on Instagram:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Making waves on Reddit:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Making waves on WeChat:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

Spotted on Telegram:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Spotted on Threads:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Trending via Snapchat:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Slack this month:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

56 shares on X this month:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, you should be mine.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Just shared via Instagram:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Just shared via YouTube:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Just landed via X:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Spotted on Threads:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Making waves on Discord:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

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