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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,945

Updated

32 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Live now on Discord:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Trending via Reddit:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Live now on Instagram:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Breaking via X:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Trending via YouTube:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Reported on X:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Making waves on YouTube:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

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Funny developer quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,945

Updated

32 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Making waves on Threads:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Going viral on Twitch:

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Trending via Messenger:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Seen just now on Facebook:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Going viral on YouTube:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Trending via Snapchat:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Freshly posted on X:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

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