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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2418 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,580

Funny Quotes Topics

15,251

Funny Quotes Images

12,580

Updated

34 minutes ago

Users Online

3,457

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Spotted on Discord:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Just landed via Instagram:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Seen just now on Reddit:

How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

Making waves on X:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Spotted on Telegram:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2418 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,580

Funny Quotes Topics

15,251

Funny Quotes Images

12,580

Updated

34 minutes ago

Users Online

3,463

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Just landed via Discord:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Spotted on Reddit:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Reported on Telegram:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Spotted on Instagram:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Just shared via Instagram:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

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