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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,237

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Making waves on Reddit:

I am single, please disturb me!

Shared recently on Facebook:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Spotted on Instagram:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Spotted on Slack:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

Just landed via X:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Funny distractions quotes

Funny distractions quotes bring a splash of humor to those moments when focus takes a vacation 🧠✈️! Whether you’re procrastinating or just need a laugh, these witty lines remind us that getting sidetracked can be pretty entertaining 😂🤪. Perfect for brightening your day or sharing with friends who know the struggle all too well! Ready to embrace the delightful chaos of distraction? Let’s dive in! 🎉📱

New funny distractions quotes 👇

All funny distractions quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

55 shares on Slack this month:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,398

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Spotted on Reddit:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Live now on Instagram:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Just landed via Twitch:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Trending via Pinterest:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Making waves on Threads:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Going viral on Facebook:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Making waves on Telegram:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Making waves on Threads:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

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