After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Commentary:
"Decisions, decisions… 🤔 Who knew stupidity could be so tempting? 😂 Perhaps the key to eternal happiness lies in embracing the blissfully ignorant side! 🤪 #LifeGoals"

Being single for Valentine's Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Commentary:
"Who needs a bouquet of wilted roses and awkward dinners when you can have all the chocolates to yourself and binge-watch your favorite TV show instead? 🍫💁‍♀️ #SingleAndWinning"

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don't have to go to a party to find out.

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Commentary:
"Who needs a confetti cannon when you can have the gender intel delivered straight to your inbox? 🎉 No need for pink or blue cupcakes, just spill the beans and let's get on with it! 🎊 #GenderRevealConvenience"

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like "hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!"

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Commentary:
🥪🏃‍♂️ "Starting the second half of your sandwich is like a rematch with your taste buds! Hell yeah, baby, let's run it back and show that sandwich who's boss! 💪😂"

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Commentary:
"Who has the time or money for egg shells when you're busy navigating the chaos of this economy? 🤷‍♂️🥚 Don't worry, just keep walking with confidence and leave the delicate egg shells behind! 💪😄"

For the record, I use a turntable.

For the record, I use a turntable.

Commentary:
"Oh, you still use a turntable? Bringing back the retro vibes, I see! 🎶🕺 Old school cool or just avoiding the skip button – the world may never know! 🔄💿 #VinylIsFinal"

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Commentary:
"Who knew adulting came with such a hefty price tag of responsibilities and no take-backsies! 🙅‍♂️💸 No refunds on this adulthood adventure, folks! 😂 #GrowingPains #NotWhatISignedUpFor"

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Commentary:
"Who needs a cozy blanket when you have a steaming hot pizza to snuggle up with on icy days? 🍕🔥 Embracing that delicious warmth beats frostbite any day! #PizzaHugs"

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Commentary:
Well, attempting to navigate life with grace and dignity is like trying to wrangle a herd of unruly unicorns 🦄🦄. It's a delicate dance of balancing on one foot while juggling flaming marshmallows 🔥🔥. But hey, as long as you've got your sense of humor intact, you're halfway there! 😄 #LifeGoals #GracefulMess

We're living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

Commentary:
"Oh, the struggle is real when the fer-glamour fades away! 🙈 Living in unfergalicious times is like a sad disco without any sparkle or pizzazz! 💃 Let's add some glitter to these dreary days and bring back the fabulousness! ✨"