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5,000+ funny quotes

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Funny Quotes September 28, 2023

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Funny Quotes June 15, 2024

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Funny Quotes September 20, 2024

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Funny Quotes September 29, 2023

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Funny Quotes June 17, 2024

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Funny Quotes August 9, 2024

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Funny Quotes September 25, 2023

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Funny Quotes July 15, 2024

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Funny Quotes October 8, 2024

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Funny Quotes September 25, 2023

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Funny Quotes October 14, 2024

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Funny Quotes August 12, 2024

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Funny Quotes August 12, 2024