Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Commentary:
Angels taking notes on my perfect fit ✨📏👼 #FashionGuides

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

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When Mercury's in retrograde, my charm must be in overdrive! ✨🔮😉

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Commentary:
Scooby-Doo: Unmasking villains and real estate scams since 1969! 🐶🏠👻

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Commentary:
Oh, so that's why I always thought the sun was trying to start a rock band ☀️🎸🦗

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

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Mornings need a secret coffee break just to handle the upcoming chaos! ☕🤣

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

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When dinosaurs RSVP "absolutely not" to coverage! 🦖📞🤢

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

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Monday should come with a snooze button and some caffeine on the side! 😴☕✨

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Commentary:
Trying to win the gold medal in couch athletics with my remote and popcorn 🍿🏆📺

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Commentary:
Looks like this post needs a helping thumb! 👍😄

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Commentary:
Mom's kitchen is the only place where calories don't count and love is the secret ingredient! 🍳❤️🤣