8,000+ funny quotes — Wordgag ツ

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Funny Quotes Apr 2, 2025

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Funny Quotes Apr 2, 2025

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Muting morons is good for your health.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Funny Quotes Apr 1, 2025