I put the hot in psychotic.

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.