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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Trending via Snapchat:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Just shared via Telegram:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Just shared via Discord:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Shared recently on Discord:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Going viral on Threads:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Making waves on Twitch:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Going viral on Facebook:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Making waves on Snapchat:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Just shared via Messenger:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Shared recently on Twitch:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Trending via YouTube:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Trending via Threads:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Trending via Reddit:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

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