Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Commentary:
Oh no, sounds like you phở-cked up! 🍜🤣 Looks like you've been spring rollin' into trouble! 🍤🤪 Next time, try to keep your bánh mì under control! 😆🥖 Keep your spirits high, but your alcohol level low! 🍹😉 #BánhMíMoreCarefulNextTime

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Commentary:
Looks like someone had a truly "electrifying" weekend! Who needs parties when you've got a life-or-death situation with a TV remote, right? 🔋📺 May your remote control skills always be as strong as your improvisation game! 💪😄 #RemoteRescueMission

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Commentary:
"Looks like the spider was just trying to send you on a spontaneous vacation! 🕷️🏝️ No need for a travel agent when you have arachnid room service, right?"