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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has viewed:

I love to see β€œpan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Going from β€œI can fix her” to β€œI don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has shared:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has downloaded:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has copied:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,755

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Discord:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Going bananas on TikTok:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Just shared via Threads:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Just shared via Instagram:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Just landed via Instagram:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Making waves on Telegram:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Going viral on Discord:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Funny intimidation quotes

Funny intimidation quotes bring a hilarious twist to the art of scaring someone off πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‚. Perfect for adding a sprinkle of humor to those moments when you want to look fierce without taking things too seriously πŸ’₯😜. Whether you’re aiming to lighten the mood or just have a laugh, these witty lines pack a punch with a smile 😏πŸ”₯. Get ready to intimidate with style and a side of giggles! πŸŽ‰πŸ‘Š

New funny intimidation quotes πŸ‘‡

All funny intimidation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes πŸ‘Œ

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Messenger this month:

I hope none of the people I vowed to β€œhelp hide a body” ever actually need my help.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has copied:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has viewed:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has shared:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has bookmarked:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has downloaded:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, β€œgrr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Breaking via Instagram:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Live now on Slack:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people β€œThanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Trending via TikTok:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Making waves on X:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Live now on Snapchat:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Shared recently on Slack:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

Live now on Reddit:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

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