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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,231

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Trending via Pinterest:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Freshly posted on Slack:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Just shared via Twitch:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Making waves on Facebook:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Funny James Bond quotes

Funny James Bond quotes will have you shaking, not stirred, with laughter! 🎉 From suave one-liners to cheeky comebacks, 007’s wit is just as sharp as his spy skills 🕵️‍♂️💥 Ready to add some secret agent humor to your day? Get ready to smile like Bond on a mission – because even spies need a good laugh! 😎🍸 #BondHumor #ShakenNotStirred

New funny James Bond quotes 👇

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

0

2 months ago

actor, actor switch, benoit, Benoit Blanc, best, blanc, bond, celebrity, character, comedy, craig, daniel, Daniel Craig, ever, film, film character, happen, humor, james, James Bond, leaving, movie, movie role, role, switch, things
I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

0

2 months ago

bond, character, fat, film, humor, i, james, James Bond, parody, ready, stereotype, think, world
The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

0

2 months ago

bond, character, confidence, hotel, hotel room, humor, incredible, james, James Bond, know, observation, room, shower, skills, spy, thing, walk
The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

0

2 months ago

afraid, balloon, bond, character, conductor, hat, humor, james, James Bond, movie, next, quirky, should, train, train conductor, weird
I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

0

2 months ago

appreciate, bond, character, humor, i, interest, james, James Bond, joke, movie, movie character, myself, next, rejection, running, self-deprecating, spy, thank, understanding

All funny James Bond quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on WeChat this month:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

17 shares on Discord this month:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Live now on WeChat:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

Shared recently on Discord:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

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