Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,745

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Just landed via X:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Going viral on X:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Seen just now on Discord:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Spotted on Threads:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Funny manifesting quotes

New funny manifesting quotes 👇

All funny manifesting quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

56 shares on X this month:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

64 shares on Slack this month:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Trending via Snapchat:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

Going viral on Telegram:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Live now on Threads:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

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